Rant: Changes

ChangesChanges. Inevitable. Everywhere. Scary. Life. Changes will happen no matter what. They happen every second, in every thought, everyday, everywhere. You can’t escape change and when it happens, it’s freaking scary that something you’re probably extremely familiar with is not-so familiar anymore. Changes are a part of life. They’re like stepping stones, you’re going to give up that blanket you hulled around with you when you were a child, that high school relationship probably won’t last, and your choices and priorities will change. You’ll grow up. Change is part of growing up.

According to Buddhism, everything is changing, and nothing is permanent. Everything is subject to change. The me writing “this” is not the same me writing “now”. Buddhists call this law, anicca, which means impermanence.

This view on life is optimistic yet horrible. I don’t know if I accept change easily. Everyone is different. Some just go with the flow, and welcome change with open arms. Others succumb to the innate human survival response of fleeing at the sign of danger. Fight or Flight. They run at the idea of change. And then there are those, who are in the middle. Me. I’m one of those people.

I’m the type of person to embrace change…when I feel like it. I selectively embrace change. I don’t like when someone messes up the order of my notes, I don’t like changing my opinions, and I don’t change where my apps rest on my IPod. There are probably more situations where I refuse to embrace change but I can’t think of any at the moment, but you get what I’m saying.

Most of the time I do welcome change, like for example, I’m in this program at my school that pushes me up a level of learning, so I’m technically doing university-like courses at Grade 11. Because of this, I have to change the way I learn and change my habits as time management is key without falling behind in these courses. Accepting.

I’m on my school’s basketball team, but now I play as a senior girl. New coach, new drills, new plays. It’s kinda hard for me to keep up as I only started play basketball at Grade 8, while everyone else started earlier than that. Not like that’s an excuse for me playing bad or not being able to do a certain drill. More than anything, it makes me what to work extra hard to meet up to the level of my fellow teammates. Still, it’s hard and a huge change for me. But embracing.

Two years ago, I lost in touch with one of my childhood best friends. We were close. Told each other everything, kept each others’ secrets, had each others’ back. Or so I thought. This change was something I couldn’t quite accept for quite some time. I’ve accepted it now, but then, no way. I was loosing control of this friendship. I didn’t know what would happen next and I didn’t like that. At all. That change was so out of the blue to past-me, but now when I look back, it was inevitable. The way I saw that friendship then, was not what it actually was. I thought it was the end of the world when she and I drifted apart. It wasn’t. I made new friends. Better friends. And developed a closer bond with an existing one. And that friendship? Stronger and better than the one with my childhood best friend.

Absolutely no hard feelings.

So, what I’m trying to say is that changes will always happen. No matter who you are, what you do, and where you’re going, they’re going to happen. Some changes are easy to accept, others are not. Maybe overtime you’ll learn to accept them. Maybe you won’t. Change is freaking scary and everyone will sooner or later face changes that you just want to run away from instead of opening your arms and giving it a big hug.

All I’m saying is that it’s coming. It’s always coming. Be aware of it.

Michelle

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